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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Check
Checks
Ill
Stupidity
God
Okay
Psychiatrists
Friends
Psychiatrist
People
Mentally
More quotes by Henny Youngman
A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
Henny Youngman
Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
Henny Youngman
I live about four muggings from Central Park.
Henny Youngman
The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
Henny Youngman
