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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
God
Okay
Psychiatrists
Friends
Psychiatrist
People
Mentally
Check
Checks
Ill
Stupidity
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
Henny Youngman
When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
Henny Youngman
He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
Henny Youngman
A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
Henny Youngman
My wife has a black belt in shopping.
Henny Youngman
He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
Henny Youngman
Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
