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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Money
Reviewed
Ever
Savings
Need
Bank
Needs
Saving
Tomorrow
Went
Dies
Found
More quotes by Henny Youngman
In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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