Quote

I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Went
Dies
Found
Money
Reviewed
Ever
Savings
Need
Bank
Needs
Saving
Tomorrow

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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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