Quote

I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Went
Dies
Found
Money
Reviewed
Ever
Savings
Need
Bank
Needs
Saving
Tomorrow

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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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