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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Tomorrow
Went
Dies
Found
Money
Reviewed
Ever
Savings
Need
Bank
Needs
Saving
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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