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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Tomorrow
Went
Dies
Found
Money
Reviewed
Ever
Savings
Need
Bank
Needs
Saving
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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