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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
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More quotes by Henny Youngman
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Henny Youngman
I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
Henny Youngman
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman
He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
Henny Youngman
I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
Henny Youngman
I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
Henny Youngman
I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
Henny Youngman
The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
Henny Youngman
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
Henny Youngman
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
Henny Youngman
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
Henny Youngman
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
Henny Youngman
I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
Henny Youngman
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Henny Youngman
My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
Henny Youngman
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
Henny Youngman
A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
Henny Youngman