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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Lasts
Last
Escalator
Funny
Escalators
Anything
Marked
Years
Bought
Humor
Wife
Year
More quotes by Henny Youngman
A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
Henny Youngman
My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
Henny Youngman
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
Henny Youngman
All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
Henny Youngman
I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
Henny Youngman
I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
Henny Youngman
A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
Henny Youngman
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman
I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
Henny Youngman
Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
Henny Youngman
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
Henny Youngman
There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
Henny Youngman
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
Henny Youngman
You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
Henny Youngman
Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
Henny Youngman
