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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Years
Bought
Humor
Wife
Year
Lasts
Last
Escalator
Funny
Escalators
Anything
Marked
More quotes by Henny Youngman
A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman
