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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Wife
Year
Lasts
Last
Escalator
Funny
Escalators
Anything
Marked
Years
Bought
Humor
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
