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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Humor
Wife
Year
Lasts
Last
Escalator
Funny
Escalators
Anything
Marked
Years
Bought
More quotes by Henny Youngman
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
Henny Youngman
I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
Henny Youngman
Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
Henny Youngman
