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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Giving
Years
Lent
Resolutions
Resolution
Year
Religion

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
Henny Youngman