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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Years
Lent
Resolutions
Resolution
Year
Religion
Giving

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Henny Youngman
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
Henny Youngman
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
Henny Youngman