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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Traffic
Thinks
Communication
Anybody
Talk
Never
Argued
Thinking
Cop
Cheap
More quotes by Henny Youngman
My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
If I had blood, I'd blush.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
Henny Youngman
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
Henny Youngman
I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
Henny Youngman
This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
