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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Communication
Anybody
Talk
Argued
Never
Cop
Thinking
Cheap
Traffic
Thinks
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
Henny Youngman
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Henny Youngman
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
Henny Youngman
I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
Henny Youngman
Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
Henny Youngman
I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
Henny Youngman
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman
All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
Henny Youngman
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
Henny Youngman
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
Henny Youngman
There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
Henny Youngman
The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
Henny Youngman
A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
Henny Youngman
Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
Henny Youngman
I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
Henny Youngman
My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
Henny Youngman
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
Henny Youngman
I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
