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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Thinking
Cop
Cheap
Traffic
Thinks
Communication
Anybody
Talk
Never
Argued
More quotes by Henny Youngman
This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
Henny Youngman
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Henny Youngman
While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
Henny Youngman
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
Henny Youngman
A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Henny Youngman
Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
Henny Youngman
