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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Traffic
Thinks
Communication
Anybody
Talk
Never
Argued
Thinking
Cop
Cheap
More quotes by Henny Youngman
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
Henny Youngman
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
Henny Youngman
My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
Henny Youngman
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
Henny Youngman
Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
Henny Youngman
My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
Henny Youngman
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
Henny Youngman
I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
Henny Youngman
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Henny Youngman
Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman
I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
Henny Youngman
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
Henny Youngman
How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
Henny Youngman
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Henny Youngman
