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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Thinks
Communication
Anybody
Talk
Never
Argued
Thinking
Cop
Cheap
Traffic
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
Henny Youngman
On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
Henny Youngman
I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
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