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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Television
Funny
Never
Noticed
Families
Watches
Watch

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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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