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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Noticed
Families
Watches
Watch
Television
Funny
Never

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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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