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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Noticed
Families
Watches
Watch
Television
Funny
Never

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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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