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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Offended
Elected
Jokes
Often
Political

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
Henny Youngman
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
Henny Youngman
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
Henny Youngman
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
Henny Youngman
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
Henny Youngman
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
Henny Youngman
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
Henny Youngman
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
Henny Youngman
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
Henny Youngman
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
Henny Youngman
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
Henny Youngman
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
Henny Youngman
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Henny Youngman
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Henny Youngman
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
Henny Youngman
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
Henny Youngman
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Henny Youngman
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
Henny Youngman