Quote

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Car
Kill
Husband
Doors
Wife
Opens
Either
Cooks
Way
Dresses
Men
Door

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
Henny Youngman