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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Way
Dresses
Men
Door
Car
Kill
Husband
Doors
Wife
Opens
Either
Cooks
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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