Quote

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Doors
Wife
Opens
Either
Cooks
Way
Dresses
Men
Door
Car
Kill
Husband

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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