Quote

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Men
Door
Car
Kill
Husband
Doors
Wife
Opens
Either
Cooks
Way
Dresses

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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