Quote

On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Taller
Ballet
Dancing
Girls
Girl
Pointe
Tiptoes

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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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