Quote

On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Taller
Ballet
Dancing
Girls
Girl
Pointe
Tiptoes

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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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