Quote

My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Doctors
Humor
Funny
Cough
Wallet
Wallets
Grabbed
Cynical
Doctor

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
Henny Youngman