Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Doctors
Humor
Funny
Cough
Wallet
Wallets
Grabbed
Cynical
Doctor
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
Henny Youngman
Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
Henny Youngman
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Henny Youngman
Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
What is a home without children? Quiet.
Henny Youngman
I live about four muggings from Central Park.
Henny Youngman
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
Henny Youngman
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
Henny Youngman
I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
Henny Youngman
A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
Henny Youngman
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
Henny Youngman
He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
Henny Youngman
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Henny Youngman
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
Henny Youngman
My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
Henny Youngman
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
Henny Youngman