Quote

My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Cynical
Doctor
Doctors
Humor
Funny
Cough
Wallet
Wallets
Grabbed

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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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