Quote

My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Cough
Wallet
Wallets
Grabbed
Cynical
Doctor
Doctors
Humor

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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman