Quote

My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Doctors
Humor
Funny
Cough
Wallet
Wallets
Grabbed
Cynical
Doctor

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
Henny Youngman
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
Henny Youngman
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
Henny Youngman
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
Henny Youngman
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
Henny Youngman
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
Henny Youngman
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
Henny Youngman
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
Henny Youngman
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
Henny Youngman
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman