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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Cough
Wallet
Wallets
Grabbed
Cynical
Doctor
Doctors
Humor
More quotes by Henny Youngman
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
Henny Youngman
I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
Henny Youngman
Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
Henny Youngman
Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
Henny Youngman
A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
Henny Youngman
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
Henny Youngman
Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
My wife has a black belt in shopping.
Henny Youngman
Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
Henny Youngman
On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
Henny Youngman
There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
Henny Youngman
A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
Henny Youngman
I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
Henny Youngman
My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
Henny Youngman
I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
Henny Youngman
My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
Henny Youngman
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
Henny Youngman
