Quote

My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Wallet
Wallets
Grabbed
Cynical
Doctor
Doctors
Humor
Funny
Cough

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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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