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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Cough
Wallet
Wallets
Grabbed
Cynical
Doctor
Doctors
Humor
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
Henny Youngman
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Henny Youngman
A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
Henny Youngman
The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
Henny Youngman
Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
Henny Youngman
Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
Henny Youngman
A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
Henny Youngman
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
Henny Youngman
A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman
My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
Henny Youngman
A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
Henny Youngman
Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
Henny Youngman
My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
Henny Youngman
I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
Henny Youngman
Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
Henny Youngman
I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
