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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Behind
Nobody
Hitting
Behinds

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
Henny Youngman