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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Nobody
Hitting
Behinds
Behind

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
Henny Youngman