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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Hitting
Behinds
Behind
Nobody

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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