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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Hitting
Behinds
Behind
Nobody

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
Henny Youngman