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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Worth
Twenty
Year
Twenties
Five
Ten
Getting
Carry
Humorists
Two
Dollars
Groceries
Today
Stronger
Inflation
Years
Americans
Sarcastic
People
Took
Comedian

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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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