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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Getting
Carry
Humorists
Two
Dollars
Groceries
Today
Stronger
Inflation
Years
Americans
Sarcastic
People
Took
Comedian
Worth
Twenty
Year
Twenties
Five
Ten
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
Henny Youngman
