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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Five
Ten
Getting
Carry
Humorists
Two
Dollars
Groceries
Today
Stronger
Inflation
Years
Americans
Sarcastic
People
Took
Comedian
Worth
Twenty
Year
Twenties
More quotes by Henny Youngman
A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
Henny Youngman