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Let's get up here before we get killed!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Killed

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
Henny Youngman
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
Henny Youngman
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
Henny Youngman
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
Henny Youngman
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
Henny Youngman
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
Henny Youngman