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Let's get up here before we get killed!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Killed

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
Henny Youngman
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
Henny Youngman
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Henny Youngman