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Let's get up here before we get killed!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Killed

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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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