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Let's get up here before we get killed!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Killed

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
Henny Youngman
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
Henny Youngman
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Henny Youngman
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
Henny Youngman
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
Henny Youngman
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
Henny Youngman
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
Henny Youngman
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
Henny Youngman
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
Henny Youngman