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Let's get up here before we get killed!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Killed

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
Henny Youngman
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman