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Let's get up here before we get killed!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Killed

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
Henny Youngman
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
Henny Youngman
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
Henny Youngman
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
Henny Youngman
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
Henny Youngman
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Henny Youngman
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Henny Youngman
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
Henny Youngman
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
Henny Youngman
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
Henny Youngman
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
Henny Youngman
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Henny Youngman
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Henny Youngman
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Henny Youngman
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
Henny Youngman
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
Henny Youngman
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman