Quote

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.

Henny Youngman

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Called
Hotel
Sea
Dead
Went
Wife

More quotes by Henny Youngman

Image
A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
Henny Youngman
Image
My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
Henny Youngman
Image
While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
Henny Youngman
Image
My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Henny Youngman
Image
A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
Henny Youngman
Image
I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
Henny Youngman
Image
On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
Henny Youngman
Image
Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
Henny Youngman
Image
Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
Image
If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
Henny Youngman
Image
He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
Henny Youngman
Image
Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
Henny Youngman
Image
Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
Image
Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman
Image
Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
Henny Youngman
Image
He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
Henny Youngman
Image
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
Henny Youngman
Image
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Henny Youngman
Image
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
Henny Youngman
Image
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman