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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Done
Worse
Couldn
Married
Better
More quotes by Henny Youngman
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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