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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Worse
Couldn
Married
Better
Done

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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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