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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Couldn
Married
Better
Done
Worse

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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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