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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Lake
Lakes
Bought
Car
Wife
Called
Water
More quotes by Henny Youngman
What is a home without children? Quiet.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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