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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Lake
Lakes
Bought
Car
Wife
Called
Water
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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