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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Wife
Called
Water
Lake
Lakes
Bought
Car
More quotes by Henny Youngman
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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