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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Water
Lake
Lakes
Bought
Car
Wife
Called
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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