Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
Henny Youngman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Lake
Lakes
Bought
Car
Wife
Called
Water
More quotes by Henny Youngman
My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
Henny Youngman
What is a home without children? Quiet.
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
Henny Youngman
A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
Henny Youngman
I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
Henny Youngman
My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
Henny Youngman
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
I live about four muggings from Central Park.
Henny Youngman
Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
Henny Youngman
You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
Henny Youngman
My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
Henny Youngman
College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
Henny Youngman
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
Henny Youngman
He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
Henny Youngman
Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
Henny Youngman
I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
Henny Youngman
A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Henny Youngman
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman
I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
Henny Youngman