Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
Henny Youngman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Gets
Worth
Food
Sitter
Five
Teenage
Hours
Teenager
Inspirational
Hour
Two
Dollars
Baby
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
Henny Youngman
My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Henny Youngman
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Henny Youngman
Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman
My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
Henny Youngman
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
Henny Youngman
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
Henny Youngman
The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
Henny Youngman
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
Henny Youngman
A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
Henny Youngman
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
Henny Youngman
A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
Henny Youngman
What is a home without children? Quiet.
Henny Youngman
