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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Worth
Food
Sitter
Five
Teenage
Hours
Teenager
Inspirational
Hour
Two
Dollars
Baby
Gets
More quotes by Henny Youngman
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
Henny Youngman
