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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Baby
Gets
Worth
Food
Sitter
Five
Teenage
Hours
Teenager
Inspirational
Hour
Two
Dollars
More quotes by Henny Youngman
If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
