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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Teenager
Hours
Hour
Inspirational
Dollars
Two
Baby
Gets
Worth
Sitter
Food
Teenage
Five
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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