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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Reading
Funny
Bookcase
Book
Bookcases
Lend
Fifty
Hundred
Nobody
Books
More quotes by Henny Youngman
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Henny Youngman
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
Henny Youngman
While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
Henny Youngman
A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
Henny Youngman
I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Henny Youngman
My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
Henny Youngman
You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
Henny Youngman
Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
Henny Youngman