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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Bookcase
Book
Bookcases
Lend
Fifty
Hundred
Nobody
Books
Reading
More quotes by Henny Youngman
College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
Henny Youngman
Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
Henny Youngman
My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
Henny Youngman
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Henny Youngman
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
Henny Youngman
Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
Henny Youngman
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman
I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
Henny Youngman
Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
Henny Youngman
A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
Henny Youngman
A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
Henny Youngman
I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
Henny Youngman
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
Henny Youngman
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman
A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
Henny Youngman
