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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Book
Bookcases
Lend
Fifty
Hundred
Nobody
Books
Reading
Funny
Bookcase
More quotes by Henny Youngman
A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman