Quote

I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Reading
Funny
Bookcase
Book
Bookcases
Lend
Fifty
Hundred
Nobody
Books

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Henny Youngman
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
Henny Youngman